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i dont like you.

….

i feel down.

and it feels like if i fail, i am going to hell.

just as J puts it – its like you lost the direction in life.

…

i am not that strong to begin with. please dont assume i am gonna be tough. i am breakable. you are too.

i need your love.

fun!

we’d a mini songkran festival after work yesterday. haha, cephas was the target but idk wtf happend and kenny, fatcat and alvin started joining in. so many of the innocents got splashed. hahaha. well, cephas kena the worst though. water mix with redbull and gingerale i think. damn.

i like working here. its fun at times. but its not a long term solution for most..

talking bout good times - few weeks back, the boys had a friendly soccer match at the cage in kallang. 6 vs 6. but baby got tired just after 10 minutes. how steadyz. haha. victor’s goal was unpredicted. had us all laughing. well, went leisure park with baby aftermath for burgers and then to work. zzz.

and few days back – eight of us went to parklane and played left for dead 2. versus mode. and baby and my screens were side by side but i find it super hilarious to see him playing the special infected and laughing his ass off when he manage to incapitate me.

cheers to great times.

LYVM

baby & i caught Daybreakers a few days back. though i find the story lame especially on how the vampires can become human, i am scared by the bat-like-vampire. that kind that’s starved of blood for weeks. they look like shit. but he aint scared though. haha.

and we caught Avatar 3D with raymond last week. awesomeeee. though the storyline’s like pocahontas but i love the graphic!

there had been many dates since the very first. but even just staying in and watching dvds with him, i enjoy it a lot. once i was craving for arabian food – hummus and kebab. he just said ‘lets go have ur food’! even though it was 2am and there was no guarantee that they’re still opened.

Love You Very Much

wonderwall

haha, not much differences! cept he change his spects! but i lost a few photos! must have forgotten to upload them. damn.

picture 1, march09 – (he’s the mr tree in my 22 march 2009 post!) okay, that was taken at clarke quay, when the clubs was empty. there was elle, xavier, me and him. that beer can in his hand – and i remembered hoping he’s not an alcoholic. haha.

picture 2, march09 – (mr tree again! 25 march 2009 post.) before elle’s wedding and i was fighting swollen eyes.

picture 3, october09 – met him at the coffeeshop for some catch up near my place after clubbing since i havent seen him in a while!

picture 4, october09 – outside zouk. super impromtu night out, since i hardly see him! i told him things like i am scared he’ll be leaving me alone! cause i never seen his friends before. hahaha.

i met him for the first time nearly a year ago at loof. and the first time we head out was after my bike practical at SSDC. bloody malu man. i was perspiring and i didnt dressed up. we started heading out rather often. but the last was we went katong for karaoke. i cant remember what exactly happened but he said after that night he texted me twice but i didnt replied. haha, my bad!

then the impromtu breakfast at serangoon central before i sold my ride. probably in august. then, picture 3 & 4. i use to find him irritating. especially when he laugh at his own jokes. i dont know what happen. must be some spell!!

honeymoon in seventeen days! swee!

J

what’s with you now?

all that talk about everything’s okay and that it doesn’t matter anymore. why tell me i am forgiven when i am not? why show that you are gracious when you are not? why act like you accepted everything and that life goes on when you are so bitter inside?

its easy to walk away and leave the damage as it is than to try fixing it. well, i tried to make things better, but i failed. and so i accept. ignorance is bliss, i care thus i bother. but i cant put my care around you since you dont want me to.

i made a mistake.

dearest

so much memories she’d brought me. the small daily ones and the occasional dramas. sometimes i think i’d not done much for her. still, she gives me her love and her loyalty. i love you girl.

bliss

Life sure aint a bed of roses. Despite the differences, i am happy with S. Despite the disagreements, we manage to talk things out nicely. I dont wanna jinx this. Cause it’d been more than a year since i felt this kind of heavy attraction towards anyone. That kinda ‘make it last forever’ feeling. Its not like im pressurized. Im just going with the flow and hoping it’ll turn out right. Its not like there’s a formula for it. So i’ll try (:

So anyway a few weeks back, im suppose to pass my cousin the cookies i made. But the day before it shit happened and i felt awful. He called and suggested we go to Cafe Vic at Carlton Hotel for dinner. I told him i was broke. And he said if i dare ask you to eat there would i let you pay? Haha! Sweet right? No doubt he’s my favourite cousin. There was a promotion 2diners pay only for the price of one! Worth it i’d say. We ate for 2 hours and we were so bloated! I did passed him the cookies. (: And i hope to see him soon! Not chinese new year though.

hola

It was the first christmas without her. Kinda quiet around. Its not the same. But life goes on. Anyway 2010’s like tomorrow. I am not really excited bout it. Age is catching up. And there’s a lot to do. School? I doubt i can face things i dont wanna learn. 2009 has been quite a roller coaster ride. Been enjoyable. Ah, mistakes – im bound to make them. Learned a few lessons too. And is it me? Or is it time? It seems to me time passes too quickly. Wish it could have been slower. Well i hope all goes well for everyone.